Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
