I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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