First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
