The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
