when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
