my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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