God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
