Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
