Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
