you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
