man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
