Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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