I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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