I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
