you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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