Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
