Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
