it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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