i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I looked at my own cervix.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She bit a glass in half.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
