it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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