how can u be prego again
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
