They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
