i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize