sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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