I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
