my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
