Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize