All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
