I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
