I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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