My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize