At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
