I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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