puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So vagazzling was a success
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