Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
