Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
