i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
