just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize