Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
