A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
