Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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