i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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