i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
