Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
