Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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