How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
