If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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