I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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