I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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