YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Soap is not a condiment
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize