are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
