I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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