So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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