i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
