i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
