So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
