They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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