Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
