he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are my feet made of real feet?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
