so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
