Heybabeimwearingurpanties
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i think i just lost a toe
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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