Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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