Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
