Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize