Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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