Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
