So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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