THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
