that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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