if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
