i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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