He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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