im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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