The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
