is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize