So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
