can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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