literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
