Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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