I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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