I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
