Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
