i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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