I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
